Well,Well Well Well.......

Today.....Wasn't much,Except for the fact that today was teacher's day,everything was worse than normal,first,for some reason,either i was possessed or i was temporarily mad,i didn't eat in school with the rest of them,don't know,just felt this impulse to leave,like my whole body being controlled,ah,well,if that's how fate wants it to be today.....then i don't think i can have a say in this,can i?Well,so i went to compass to eat,then after that,i walked back to school to see if the rest of them are still there,even though my instincts told me no,but still,hoping wouldn't be too bad,i needed the excercise anyway,so,expected results,everyone was gone,no idea where they went,so i went home,and while at home,i was rather bored,nothing to do,i drew what i wanted to draw today,i read all the books,i wasn't in the mood to do work,so i sorta rotted at home,practised adjusting my pitch and singing skills by singing some jap songs(not really good,i think,i have better things to do),well,i had this realllllllly strong feling that the rest of them were playing basketball and studying or something,but perhaps that's just what happens every time,haha,i might have ben dreaming.

Anyways,at night,i went to compass again,to find the calculator cuz i sorta lost mine,so went i went to popular,surprise surprise,there wasn't any,lols,sad,another waste,but at least that's a good way to spend time,so,followed mum to NTUC,my dad bought durian,my mom bought fruits,butter,and alot of other stuff,and i resumed my temporary career as a carrier,so,after that,i went home,and here i am,typing on this blog.....wow,i seem pretty short tempered today,haha,wonder why....


This feeling of loneliness,no matter how many people there are,i still feel lonely,i know,i've had it since young,but now,even if i have lots of friends,why do i still have this feeling?No matter how i put it,it's still not logical,i wonder why......

30/08/09

Hmmm,today.....is rather boring and i feel rather sick again,but in the end,i'm not,lol,i wonder why,anyways,today was boring,but rather calming,cuz of the rain,and also,today,my mum brought me out to the market to carry stuff for her,fruits and stuff,2 extremely big cakes of sorts that were going to be prayed,Longans,and quite alot of other stuff,then after that i pretty much stayed and lazed about and did homework at home,also,Changed Blogskin!Gonna change blogsong too,to something more fitting

Edit:Okay,changed blogsong,just found this,this is a very good song,the lyrics is also good

(Japanese)
Jibun katte ni omoikonde
Urame ni deru koto yoku aru kedo
Ikite yukitai kyou yori ashita e

Hito no naka de nani o motome oikaketa n darou
Kotoba dake ja wakari aezu kizutsukete namida shita
Mogakeba mogaku hodo kodoku o samayotte ta

*Hitori ja nai kimi ga yume ni kawatte yuku
Mukai kaze mo habatakeru waratte ite okure
Hitotsu ni narou
Futari koko made kita koto ga boku no yuuki no akashi dakara
Kawari tsuzukete ru kono sekai de

Kakujitsu na mono wa nanimo nai yo no naka dakedo
Kimi to warai kimi to naite boku wa boku ni

Sunao ni narezu hagemashi sae kobande ita yoru mo
Konna boku o tsutsumu you ni mimamotte ite kureta
Kimi no ie ga miete kita ashibaya ni natte yuku

Hitori ja nai motto jiyuu ni nareru hazu sa
Puraido ya utagai to ka mou sutete shimaou
Soba ni iru dareka ga yorokonde kureru koto
Hito o shinjiru hajimari da to yatto wakatta yo
Kimi ni deatte

(English Translation)
As I was growing up, I thought
There surely are things that'll backfire on me but
I want to live on more tomorrow than I'm doing today

I wonder what people's desires are
We can't understand each other just from words so we get hurt and cry
The more you struggle, the more you'll wander alone

I'm no longer alone, I'm being changed by my dreams
Even the opposing winds are flying and laughing
Let's become one
Until that moment comes, it will be the proof of my courage
In this world which is constantly changing

It seems there's nothing at all inside reality but
Laughing with you, crying with you, I become myself again

Before I became strong, I kept rejecting encouragement
You watched over me so I could move on
I can see your goal and it's getting crowded

I'm no longer alone, I can have more freedom
I can throw away things like pride and doubts
Having the pleasure of someone by my side
I can finally understand that you must believe in people
Because I met you

Well,That's All For Today

29/08/09

well,gonna post again,well,yesterday was fun,it was nicholas's birthday,so everyone gathering at compass at 1,then after that,they gathered and went to....was it somewhere near natalie's house?Well,correct me if i'm wrong,anyways,they played basketball,and i didn't play much,1 round,then after that,i went exploring,and luckily,i found a spot where there was strong breezes,felt really good,that is what i would call healing winds,it's calming and helps to regain energy rather fast,anyway,after that,i walked around for a really long time,then i went to sit down,and some others,after that,they discussed what to do,and after that,they decided to go watch a movie,lol,"xia dao xiao".

It was at tampines mall,if i recall,and they went to buy the tickets,and it started at 6.55 earliest,so everyone went to the open plaza to slack,some of them played,and some didn't,that's also where nicholas recieved his present,artificial snowflakes,lol,nicholas had to dig through everything to find.....Undergarments!(Calvin Klein)lol,then after that,we all had to pick up the styrofoam flakes that flew away,well,that's what we had to do,so no complaints,we caused it,anyway,after that,everyone either sat down to chat,or play catching,me?I was doing the usual,walking around,and coincidentally,i found the bookshop that sells the old book here too,so i bought a book,that kept me occupied.Anyway,shortly after that,we went to watch the movie.

It was really funny,but the 2nd story was the most shocking part,and also,that was the part where andy screamed(Relax,andy,even someone as cowardly as me can watch it),and alot of people were shocked by the scream rather than the scene,lol,anyways,after the movie,they went out to discuss some stuff,i went to buy water,so i didn't notice,anyways,they went to the kopitiam,and some of them went to the open plaza to slack,and i followed the ones who went to the kopitiam first,then after that i followed those who went to the open plaza,andy bought some food to eat there,and everyone discussed where to go,they decided to go pool,but whetther they actually went there,i don't know,cuz i went home with Eileen and Yong chieh,when i reached the bus stop near my house(Well,Nearest,there isn't any others,but it's rather far :X),i had to walk through this route that has a forest like thing on the left,i was like.....omg,what if there's something inside?But i ignored it,and walked,at a VERY fast speed,and without turning left or right,just looking in front,haha,well,even if i know that they won't harm me,imagination can be a burden sometimes,but don't mistake it as something bad,imagination is the base of life,without it,there won't be new inventions.

Overall,it was a great day,i had a great time,looks like a major event happened after all.(I didn't go through everything,cuz if i did,i could write a storybook,lol)





Saturday.....another day,today,i went to the physics CRT,and cuz i finished the CRT 3 worksheet and finished marking,all i had to do is clear the doubt with mr's pereira,and i could slack,well,today is rather normal,well,not everyday is a good day,today,somehow,i just felt this urge to wanna sing,don't know why,normally,people sing when on high,but i was rather emo that time,heh,don't know why,but anyways,i left rather early,and now am at home,typing on this com and reading my storybook,well,i guess that's the end of today.

Like A Dream,I Prayed Many Times.Like A Dream,Shining Eternally In My Heart,With My Weak Heart Beaten Heavily by The Violent Rain,I Was Searching For The Road,Towards A Tomorrow That Will Someday Smile,Believing That Something Will Be Born,Even If I Lose Everything Else

24/08/09

hmmm,okay,haven posted in awhile,anyways,nothing much happened these days,rather bored at home,heh,suppose that's because the O levels are coming?Considering that,this is something perfectly natural,everyone wakes up someday,i just did a little bit earlier,except i just can't make myself do more homework T_T,how sad.Well,my parents and brother went to watch scared until laugh(Xia Dao Xiao),i didn't go,though,i just didn't feel like it,i suppose i was feeling a little down,then,for some reason,i keep getting headaches,don't know why,well,yesterday was another example,while i was at my grandmother's house,i felt like i had a hole in my body,really empty and painful,but that's probrably just my imagination,but still,it's rather surprising.

Anyways,today wasn't anything special,except that the headache decided to throw a tantrum in my head during recess,god,it was real painful,and dizzy,too,i hope this doesn't happen again >_<,haha,well,currently,i'm rewatching Akagi ,watched it three times and it's still nice to watch,a little information on it is that,well,it's on mahjong,and it's really a IQ based show,aaaaand,besides from that,nothing much else happened,well,that's it for today,hope that something interesting will happen,really nothing much to do these days.

Tada,some random pic i took from maple korea,for those who can't see it,it says "What are you Looking At?Never Seen A Penguin Before!?>=("(Sorry,i was bored)

19/08/09

Well,the prelim results were bad,and today was english O level oral examination,i think i did rather well this time,hope i can do so in the O levels too,anyways....i know i'm changing,it's becoming obvious,i'm turning back to the me from primary 6.....when i was....well.....rather alone.It's really painful,i don't wanna recall the memories,but i have to,if i want to get good grades for my O levels,part of me still wants to hang out with everyone,but,i just can't,i can't break out of the feeling,it's really quite frustrating,this is precisely why i don't approve people thinking down on themselves,just me taking it all will do,others don't have to think the same way i do and endure what negative feelings come with it,but i wonder,if that's really the right thing to do.I know that i'm distancing from the rest of the people,but i can't help it,can i?I do it subconsciously without knowing why,but,i just feel i don't fit in,heh.....fate plays a funny game,doesn't it.....Just when i found friends,i feel i don't fit in....in a way that i'm just a liability.......just stopping the rest...or others

Thinking twice,this doesn't really make sense,but i'll just take it on,just like how i took on everything else in the past,but i wonder,will i be able to do it....?Reflecting on myself,i have though of many possibilities,why can't i do it?I know,i just can't,i'm too weak,really,feeling like crying but without tears to shed,i really wish that this feeling will dissolve after i finish the O levels......

This World Isn't Perfect,There Is Always A Balance In It,Without It,There Will Be Wars,The One Maintaining The Balance Are The Ones Who Are Willing To Sacrifice Themselves To Bring The Truth,To Take In The Hatred From Both Sides And Crush It,These Are Strong Willed People,Who Are Able To Reduce Themselves To Stepping Stones For Others To Rise Without Feeling The Sense Of Inferiority,Compared To Geniuses Like Einstein,These People Are Needed Much More....

17/08/09

Well,Today,the long holiday is finally over,and i've decided to finally put up a post,well,i'll start recalling,okay,yesterday,there wasn't much,but my parents brought me out for dinner at serangoon garden country club,and with other relatives,for some reason,they misplaced my order,and my food took 1 hr 15 mins+- to come,haha,really long,oh,and also,on the way back home,i saw the clouds acting wierd,it was like....pointing downwards,like a sword,but,more like a rapier,those used by pirates,or something,wierd,wonder if it's just me....

On saturday,every went to celebrate Wan Ting's birthday in advance,well,first,everyone gathering at the meeting place at 8.30,to surprise,then after that,they asked those who were eating to bring wanting out from her home,so that the others could go to decorate,so,they ate and after that,they went to cut hair,the other came down,two by two,or sometimes,by three,and after that,once everyone was done,they went back to show her the decorated house,after that,everyone decided to play block catching,which was fun,and after that,they played with the water guns and water bombs.Well,after the water bombs and stuff,they played a game which involved tying a piece of paper onto the forehead and pasting something there,never played before,and i sorta stayed out,don't really know why,but just felt i had to exclude myself,after that,everyone rested and played mahjong and some card games,which i won at least once,yay,lol.At around 6.30 or something,everyone went out to buy the ingredients for the steamboat,so i followed everyone to hougang point's NTUC,they bought lots of ingredients,and they went back after that.The ingredients were mostly prepared by the girls,and the boys were just sitting there playing cards,or watching tv(Okay,not all of them),and when the steam was done cooking,every one ate,but not altogether,unfortunately,because i had to go home,i didn't eat,so.....after that,it was home time and marked the end of the day!



Now,that was all that i could recall,for now,hmmm,i wonder.......i've been changing recently,i'm losing my emotions.......but in exchange,i'm becoming sharper in terms of thinking,is it just me?Or am i just tired,i hope that it's because im'just tired.....I don't feel anything now,no sadness,no happiness,is it stress?Not so sure,i don't know the cause of this....change?Perhaps the anger of the memories that i stored are finally coming out?Since i'm becoming a little....how do i put this,well,can't describe it,darn it,it's a little painful today,don't have much energy,and i can barely think....ah,well,can't help it,all i can hope for is that i'm thinking too much,and that i can at least think of more cheerful stuff.well,at least i can hope that tomorow will be a better tomorrow

AND LASTLY!!!Changed Blogsong,very calming lyrics and tune,well,hope others will enjoy it


The memories that binds a person to the past is hard to break out of,but the memories of the future,of the time where you can think happily,is the key to freeing yourself from what painful memories you might have had....but unfortunately,people are sometimes blinded by the desperation to break free that they forget that the solution is right in front of them...