Coming.....

Well,can't post these days cuz i'm blasted with mock exams and also....the o levels are coming up,well,can't blame the constant exams,can i?Well,i can't really remember these few days,but it's mostly the same,going out to eat with the rest and stuff..ah,well,at least today there's a family gathering,haha,finally.These few days always in a pattern,bad,good,bad,good,wonder if there's anything that's making it this way,some days,i would feel down,some days,i feel happy.Maybe it's because of some dreams?

Well,today was E maths paper 2,rather tough,hope i can score well,also,after that,we went to eat,and instead of the planned kopitiam,we went to SKCC,cuz there wasn't any seats,haha,well,but anyway,after that,there wasn't anything interesting,well,gonna stop here,leaving for my cousin's house!

As The Days Go By And Watching Events Happen....I Start To Think That There Won't Be Any Hope For Me...

Haze.....

Well,today was rather fun,considering that the physics test can be aced if i didn't make all those careless mistakes -_-,that sure boosted my confidence a little,even if i know that the standard of it isn't half of the O levels...i think....lol,okay,well,anyway,i'll skip a little and go straight to the part where everyone decided to go to Natalie's house,sooo,everyone went to Natalie's house and then,well,they explored it,went around,commented,and after awhile,they took out the mahjong table and started to play,i played 1 round,haha,me and jh were waiting on each other's tiles,so we were stuck,during the round i played,Eileen won,since i only played 1 round,i didn't know the rest,but i think Thai Siong won a few rounds too,Junhui And Yong Chuan Too,i think,But,while they were playing mahjong,sean suggested that we play Carrom,and it was Fun-ny,haha,just a little shortform for something Fun and Funny(Lame),Anyways,they were shooting the main disc everywhere,it even hit people,haha,well,i don't feel like describing the events,well,i think those who were there and heard those who were playing Carrom would get a little of the picture....

Well,my body is weakened these few days,by the stupid haze,or by some other unknown cause,but all i know is that if this goes on,i wonder how long i can hold,lol...i mean,i get choked when i breathe in the joss paper smoke,that doesn't normally happen,if i can get my breath stuck by only this,something is very wrong....Haa....Anyways,gonna stop here,rather late...

I see......I finally understand,nothing can change it,with my way of thinking....i'm just being selfish,aren't I....?I mean,how can you open a door when the doorknob is on the other side?No matter how i pray that things might just change even a little....it won't work...will it?Haha...how foolish i was....This wasn't the life that i can live...i have never truly treasured anything....anyone....in the end,i'm just driving myself in circles and going back to the path of loneliness.....even so....i still wonder if i should give up hope....or continue fighting?

Rather Bad Day Today

zzz......today is a rather bad day,first,my asthma,i told my mum about it,and just when i was telling her,the hairdresser suddenly said that it was related to my heart problems,i was like WTH!?,and i said it wasn't,but she insisted,and my mum believed,no amtter how hard i tried to convince her,she won't listen to me,so....today,went to the heart specialist for a checkup,there were a few tests,they stuck electrolytes into your body to measure your heartbeat,and really,it was quite uncomfortable,then you had to run while wearing those to,and while runnig,they would take your blood pressure and stuff,took me 2 and a 1/2 hours to finish it,and turns out?I'm healthy,and it was my asthma problems,and it costed a whopping 750+ dollars,and my mum COMPLAINED,i know,it's expensive and all,but she was the one who insisted,and she complains @_@,i know it's for my sake and all,but chest pains are in no way connected to the heart,that i know......She doesn't even trust me,and neither does my dad,if so,how can they expect me to trust them?

Well,nothing much today,everyone is probrably out studying together,so no outings,well,it is the O levels,that much is to be expected,haha....day by day,my body feels heavier and heavier,and i feel one day,i might just collapse once and for all,i hope that it's just my imagination,that it's stress and all,and that after the O levels,i can finally move on to a brighter future...


There isn't anything that i should expect,should i?After all,in the end,the real me will always be hidden in the darkness amongst the clouds,i have dreams,things i want to achieve,and,well,i suppose things just won't go the way you want it to,i understand that fact,and will get up on my feet with every fall...i'm different,in ways that are neither good nor bad,people always seem to lack something that friends make up for,but,it seems i don't seem to lack that certain something,in other words,without knowing it,i seem to distance myself from others,but on the good side,i can live in some conditions that normal people can't,but in this world,this is a curse,rather than a blessing...Why i help people get together,Why i am able to understand the aspects of life and it's many reasons,maybe it's because i envy that people are able to get together so easily,or maybe just seeing people happy is good enough for me,I was never someone who stays in a group,always watching from a distance....haha,i suppose that's just the way i am,even if i want to change...i wonder...

09/09/09

Haha,9's away!today's number is rather auspicious i think?Well,Won't Bother To Recall Anything,Too Tired,lol,Hmmm,but i have to say,these few days were rather interesting,well,feeling rather wierd recently,don't know what,hmm,seems like something sad is going to happen soon,don't know why,if i remember right,in my last dream,i cried,don't know why,just suddenly felt that feeling,what's more,i don't think that it was me that cried,lol,it's wierd how dreams can actually turn out like this,many other wierd dreams,i might have described it to some others,but i shall not say anymore,if not,i'll be writing another storybook @_@,heh......i'm really not used to this.....how should i put it....for one,i'm used to being alone,so i can survive what others could not,but in times like this,it doesn't feel right,even though it's good to be together with everyone,i just feel...wierd?Like'i'm just an extra,at least,that's what my instincts is telling me,they are rarely wrong,or maybe i'm just thinking too much...it's also like there's something missing.....huh.....rather complicated,will think deeper...



Being Alone....Brings Much Power And Knowledge....In Exchange For The Torment Of The Mind,And A Chance For Total Insanity,That's Why All The Bad Guys Are Always So Strong.Though I Say That,It's Always The Good Guys Who Win,As They Always Work Together In Perfect Harmony,But In This World....Where Can We Find People Good Natured Enough To Trust Each Other With Everything?

And The O Levels Are One Step Closer..

Right....so today,i'm just passing another day by,and actually,today was rather okay,considering how the O levels coming,haha,anyways,today,the class took photo for the school magazine,so toady was rather fun,after that,followed them to Compass Point to eat lunch,they went to play basketball(Some of them didn't go,though),and i went home,cuz i needed to study,well,so i went home,and slacked for awhile(Okay,fine,not awhile,for quite some time...),and then i started doing some geog,but was lazy to continue,for one,the ink keeps smudging and what i write becomes unreadable,so what's the point @_@,wonder why,lol,hmmmmm,right now i'm feeling rather lazy,hmmm,doesn't happen often,it happens only when it rains,that's when my major system shuts down and i just calm down totally,haha,well,i suppose today is a rather good day for me,then.....don't know why,can't shake the feeling that something will happen soon,hope that it's good,not bad.